Missing him ..

On the darkest of days, when I miss him the most and I think I can't take another day without him .... she is right there to pick me back up. How blessed am I !?

I love her and can't wait for her daddy to see her soon!!

Walking hand in hand

Today I had a epiphany of sorts. I was at the mall standing behind a cute husband and wife couple. I watch the man put his arm around his wife's waist then draw her near him as he kissed her forehead so sweetly. After that he slipped his hand into hers and off they walked, hand in hand ,happily ever after. It was then my stomach sunk. That whole scene I had just witnessed was at one point an everyday occurrence in my life. Now it seemed so foreign to me. I had forgot what it feels like to have my forehead kissed, my hand held, given a hug from my husband. If it wasn't for Sophia, basic human touch would be all but forgotten. I have missed my husband everyday since he left, but today I missed him a little more.
Good thing I have the glass is always half full during deployment rule. This is my way of staying sane in times like this. When I feel sad, frustrated or that the light at the end of the tunnel is just a little too far away and dim..I make myself stop and throw a positive into the situation... so here it is..
Today, I also realized that we are getting to the half way point and soon enough I will have MY kiss on the forehead, I will have HIS hand to hold again and I will have my Husband back in my arms. Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder.

You know your husband is deployed when..

I found this the other day and personalized a bit.. this rings so true for so many military wives.

You know your husband is deployed when...

The toilet seat is always down.

The leftovers are still sitting in the fridge.

You only have one load of laundry to do - and it doesn't contain any PT clothes.

You sit up all night just in case he happens to log onto IM,yahoo, facebook, ect.

You find yourself carrying home a stack of those customs forms from the post office because you know you'll need them later.

You sleep with your cell phone because there's always a chance if you put it on the table on the other side of the room, you'll miss his phone call.

Keeping your legs shaved on a regular basis is no longer a top priority. (Sorry if that's TMI for some of you out there...)

You find your self repeating " a year is only 5 min of the life we have to live together "

You're already trying to decide what to wear on the day he comes home - and that's within five minutes of when he left.

Homecoming has nothing to do with football, parades, alumni, or dances.- on that note.. seeing others homecomings brings you to tears.. tears of Joy.. some tears of jealosy but mostly tears of joy :)

You notice bumper stickers more often and wonder about the story of the person driving the car - do they have a friend or family member deployed with your husband? Hmmm. (I find that especially true when I see another blue star displayed somewhere.)

Every time you go to check the time, you do math in your head to figure out what time it is over there.(At least one of your clocks is set to his time )

Each time you get to turn a new page on your calendar, a little voice says, "YES - another one down..."

Every unknown number that shows up on your phone inspires excitement (it could be him)!

Someone says "Iraq" (no matter what the context), it immediately becomes personal.

You finally have the rule of the remote but find yourself watching all his shows.

Checking your email every hour becomes normal.

The folks at the post office recognize you and know your name.

A sandstorm in Iraq can ruin your whole day (or at least when they cause your phone call to be dropped).

You experience random moments of crying for no particular reason

The best birthday gift is a web chat with your husband :)

Lastly, the pride you feel as a military wife is overwhelming. You are not only proud of your husband but proud of yourself. You have become the head of house, the mom , the dad, the mr. fix it, the dog walker, they driver, just to name a few.. you have filled the shoes of two people for a year and you do it will grace and a smile :)

Daddy's video to his Girls!

Stephen sent this for Sophia and I a few weeks back. What an amazing video. It shows all the great time we have had thus far! We miss him so much and I can't tell you how lucky we are to have him in our lives!!

Lessons I am learning

This deployment has giving me a total new outlook on life, marriage and parenting. First, I have found a love for my husband I never knew existed. I love him more today than I did the day I married him. This deployment has made us fall in love all over again but this time by using only the words we have to give and the feeling we share for each other.

Second, My outlook on life has changed. This deployment has giving me a chance to revisit the independent Sara, the one who takes out the trash, walks the dogs, goes to events solo, drive cross country on my own (although that will never happen again !! lol )I have been blesses with a chance to rekindle friendships, I have become more aware of my strengths instead of focusing on my weaknesses. Some days I want to scream or curl up in a ball .. (The days I miss him so much and the dogs need walked but its 30 degrees and raining.. The baby needs a bottle and dinner is burning.. and its 6pm and I still haven't showered) Those are the days I go to bed and know that if I made it through this day then tomorrow will be that much easier.
I don't watch the news when it comes to war like I use to.. all i need to know Stephen will tell me. Honestly if he is safe and I can talk to him then who cares what's going on. I call this the stupid effect... I will stay stupid to the danger for this year.. and every year my husband goes to that god awful place.
At the same time it has reminded me how many people love us and are willing to help our little family when we need it. I thank god everyday for those family and friends.

Third, I have a new found appreciation for single mothers.. how do you do it?!?
I have learned more patience and the importance to put the computer down, shut off the TV and just play. Laugh with my daughter, hold her when she needs me and be a kid myself. It is those special moments where I can watch Sophia learn and grow that I understand just how lucky I am. Those "woe is me moments" are out the window because it is up to me to keep this little girl happy and healthy. It is amazing how a little baby not even a year old can teach me so many life lessons. I just love her!!